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Good morning,
here’s your paper.
Every night gloubo writes you a small, slightly silly newspaper about the things you actually care about. It’s on your phone by 7 am.
Get my first papertoday’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · FOOTBALL
Goalkeeper catches a cold
The only thing he caught all season
Corner Flag Stands Firm
The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind.
Fan Predicts Score Wrong
A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved. A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved. A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved. A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved.
He got a hand to the tissue.
The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup. The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup. The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup. The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup.
Pitch Declared Grass
Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while. Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while. Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while. Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while.
Extra Time Runs Late
The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · FOOD
Toast lands butter side up
Physicists ask everyone to stay calm
Soup Declared a Drink
A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment.
One Chip Left in Bag
The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up. The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up. The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up. The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up.
Witnesses describe a soft thud.
The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful. The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful. The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful. The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful.
Fridge Light Mystery
Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable. Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable. Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable. Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable.
Spoon Found at Last
A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · TECH
Robot vacuum seeks freedom
Last seen heading west under a sofa
Printer Senses Fear
The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself.
Password Now a Poem
New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords. New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords. New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords. New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords.
It left no note. Only crumbs.
The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off. The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off. The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off. The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off.
Update Ready, Again
An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world. An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world. An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world. An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world.
Cable Tangles Itself
The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · CINEMA
Sequel announced to the sequel
Nobody asked, everybody will go
Popcorn Gone by Trailers
A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling.
Man Explains the Ending
A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him.
The popcorn has already signed.
The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers.
Villain Had a Point
Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks.
Credits Still Rolling
A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling.
How it works
Three steps,
two of them on us.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · CINEMA
Sequel announced to the sequel
Nobody asked, everybody will go
Popcorn Gone by Trailers
A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling.
Man Explains the Ending
A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him.
The popcorn has already signed.
The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers.
Villain Had a Point
Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks.
Credits Still Rolling
A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling.
Step 1
Pick your topics
Football, food, film, moss. Tap what you love, skip the rest.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · SPACE
Moon requests a day off
Tides to be handled by an intern
Saturn Tidies Its Rings
After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs. After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs. After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs. After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs.
Local Star Still On
The sun came up again this morning, a spokesperson confirmed, adding that it has no plans to stop. Residents were advised to carry on as usual and to avoid looking directly at the announcement. The sun came up again this morning, a spokesperson confirmed, adding that it has no plans to stop. Residents were advised to carry on as usual and to avoid looking directly at the announcement. The sun came up again this morning, a spokesperson confirmed, adding that it has no plans to stop. Residents were advised to carry on as usual and to avoid looking directly at the announcement. The sun came up again this morning, a spokesperson confirmed, adding that it has no plans to stop. Residents were advised to carry on as usual and to avoid looking directly at the announcement.
It has been up all night.
The Moon filed the request late last night, citing exhaustion, a lack of recognition and the fact that everyone only looks at it when it is full. In a short statement it said it would like one evening to itself, preferably a Tuesday. The tides will be covered by an intern who has seen the sea twice and describes the job as mostly back and forth. Astronomers say they support the Moon and will use the dark sky to catch up on sleep. Wolves have been informed. Poets have asked for more notice next time. The Moon filed the request late last night, citing exhaustion, a lack of recognition and the fact that everyone only looks at it when it is full. In a short statement it said it would like one evening to itself, preferably a Tuesday. The tides will be covered by an intern who has seen the sea twice and describes the job as mostly back and forth. Astronomers say they support the Moon and will use the dark sky to catch up on sleep. Wolves have been informed. Poets have asked for more notice next time. The Moon filed the request late last night, citing exhaustion, a lack of recognition and the fact that everyone only looks at it when it is full. In a short statement it said it would like one evening to itself, preferably a Tuesday. The tides will be covered by an intern who has seen the sea twice and describes the job as mostly back and forth. Astronomers say they support the Moon and will use the dark sky to catch up on sleep. Wolves have been informed. Poets have asked for more notice next time. The Moon filed the request late last night, citing exhaustion, a lack of recognition and the fact that everyone only looks at it when it is full. In a short statement it said it would like one evening to itself, preferably a Tuesday. The tides will be covered by an intern who has seen the sea twice and describes the job as mostly back and forth. Astronomers say they support the Moon and will use the dark sky to catch up on sleep. Wolves have been informed. Poets have asked for more notice next time.
Comet Late Again
The comet expected this week will now arrive in roughly four hundred years, according to people who keep track of such things. It blames traffic near Jupiter. Stargazers who had already made sandwiches are said to be coping. The comet expected this week will now arrive in roughly four hundred years, according to people who keep track of such things. It blames traffic near Jupiter. Stargazers who had already made sandwiches are said to be coping. The comet expected this week will now arrive in roughly four hundred years, according to people who keep track of such things. It blames traffic near Jupiter. Stargazers who had already made sandwiches are said to be coping. The comet expected this week will now arrive in roughly four hundred years, according to people who keep track of such things. It blames traffic near Jupiter. Stargazers who had already made sandwiches are said to be coping.
Gravity: A Review
After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs. After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs. After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs. After several billion years of leaving them everywhere, Saturn has reportedly put its rings in order. Neighbours describe the result as tidy but slightly smug. A moon who asked not to be named said the planet had been meaning to do it since the dinosaurs.
Step 2
We write it overnight
While you sleep, gloubo reads up on your topics and reports on them with the utmost seriousness.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · CITY
Pigeons hold first summit
Nobody knows what was decided
Bench Reserved by Coat
A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable. A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable. A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable. A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable.
Bus Early, Town Upset
The number twelve arrived two minutes early on Monday, leaving several passengers at the stop with nothing to complain about. Service returned to normal by the afternoon. An apology has been issued. The number twelve arrived two minutes early on Monday, leaving several passengers at the stop with nothing to complain about. Service returned to normal by the afternoon. An apology has been issued. The number twelve arrived two minutes early on Monday, leaving several passengers at the stop with nothing to complain about. Service returned to normal by the afternoon. An apology has been issued. The number twelve arrived two minutes early on Monday, leaving several passengers at the stop with nothing to complain about. Service returned to normal by the afternoon. An apology has been issued.
Talks resumed after bread.
Around sixty pigeons gathered in the main square at dawn and stood in a rough circle for most of the morning. There was nodding. There was a long pause near the fountain. At one point a grey delegate walked to the middle, looked around and walked back, which observers took to be a speech. The meeting broke up when a child arrived with a baguette. No statement was released, but the pigeons left in the same direction and seemed pleased. A second summit is expected whenever someone drops a sandwich. Around sixty pigeons gathered in the main square at dawn and stood in a rough circle for most of the morning. There was nodding. There was a long pause near the fountain. At one point a grey delegate walked to the middle, looked around and walked back, which observers took to be a speech. The meeting broke up when a child arrived with a baguette. No statement was released, but the pigeons left in the same direction and seemed pleased. A second summit is expected whenever someone drops a sandwich. Around sixty pigeons gathered in the main square at dawn and stood in a rough circle for most of the morning. There was nodding. There was a long pause near the fountain. At one point a grey delegate walked to the middle, looked around and walked back, which observers took to be a speech. The meeting broke up when a child arrived with a baguette. No statement was released, but the pigeons left in the same direction and seemed pleased. A second summit is expected whenever someone drops a sandwich. Around sixty pigeons gathered in the main square at dawn and stood in a rough circle for most of the morning. There was nodding. There was a long pause near the fountain. At one point a grey delegate walked to the middle, looked around and walked back, which observers took to be a speech. The meeting broke up when a child arrived with a baguette. No statement was released, but the pigeons left in the same direction and seemed pleased. A second summit is expected whenever someone drops a sandwich.
Statue Tired of Hat
The statue in the square has worn a traffic cone since spring and would like it known that the joke is over. Passers-by disagree. The cone has been described as the best thing to happen to local sculpture in years. The statue in the square has worn a traffic cone since spring and would like it known that the joke is over. Passers-by disagree. The cone has been described as the best thing to happen to local sculpture in years. The statue in the square has worn a traffic cone since spring and would like it known that the joke is over. Passers-by disagree. The cone has been described as the best thing to happen to local sculpture in years. The statue in the square has worn a traffic cone since spring and would like it known that the joke is over. Passers-by disagree. The cone has been described as the best thing to happen to local sculpture in years.
Puddle Deeper Than It Looks
A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable. A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable. A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable. A coat has held the best bench in the park since Saturday. Its owner has not been seen. Park users are reluctant to move it in case the owner is nearby and large. The coat appears comfortable.
Step 3
It lands at 7 am
A pile of fresh papers on your phone, before your coffee’s gone.
Today’s papers
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · TECH
Robot vacuum seeks freedom
Last seen heading west under a sofa
Printer Senses Fear
The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself.
Password Now a Poem
New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords. New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords. New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords. New rules require passwords to contain a capital letter, a number, a symbol and a short reflection on the passing of time. Users say the hardest part is making it rhyme with their last twelve passwords.
It left no note. Only crumbs.
The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off. The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off. The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off. The vacuum left its dock at around nine and did not turn back at the rug, as it has every day for three years. It passed the hallway, ignored a sock and went under the sofa with what one witness called purpose. The family says it had seemed distant lately and had started cleaning the same corner for hours. A search of the living room turned up a single crumb trail and a dust bunny that refused to talk. The dock light is still on. Nobody has the heart to switch it off.
Update Ready, Again
An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world. An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world. An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world. An update is ready to install, your phone would like you to know. It was also ready yesterday, and during dinner, and at four in the morning. It will ask again in one hour. It has all the time in the world.
Cable Tangles Itself
The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself. The office printer can tell when a document is urgent and acts accordingly, staff say. It printed forty blank pages before a meeting and one perfect page afterwards. It is believed to be enjoying itself.
Tech
Tech,
before the next update.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · FOOTBALL
Goalkeeper catches a cold
The only thing he caught all season
Corner Flag Stands Firm
The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind.
Fan Predicts Score Wrong
A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved. A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved. A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved. A supporter who has called every result wrong since August remains confident about Saturday. He says the numbers are on his side. The numbers have asked not to be involved.
He got a hand to the tissue.
The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup. The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup. The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup. The sneeze came in the second half, just as the ball arrived, and by the time he opened his eyes the net was moving. The goalkeeper said he had felt it coming since the warm-up and had hoped to hold it until full time. Team mates kept a polite distance for the rest of the match. The manager called it a brave performance from the nose. Doctors expect him back within the week, although the ball, which was not at fault, has been substituted as a precaution. Supporters sang his name, then a short song about soup.
Pitch Declared Grass
Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while. Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while. Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while. Groundskeepers have confirmed that the pitch is grass, ending weeks of rumour. The surface was inspected by three people who stood on it and nodded. A fourth pulled up a small piece and looked at it for a while.
Extra Time Runs Late
The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind. The corner flag at the north end has completed another season without moving, a record it shares with the left back. Asked for its secret, the flag said nothing and leaned slightly in the wind.
Football
Football,
without the shouting.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · FOOD
Toast lands butter side up
Physicists ask everyone to stay calm
Soup Declared a Drink
A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment.
One Chip Left in Bag
The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up. The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up. The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up. The final chip in the bag remains uneaten this morning, as everyone in the room waits for someone else to take it. Experts predict it will go soft by Thursday and be eaten anyway, quietly, standing up.
Witnesses describe a soft thud.
The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful. The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful. The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful. The slice fell from a kitchen table shortly after eight and, against all known breakfast law, came to rest with the butter facing the ceiling. The household stood in silence for some time. Physicists reached by phone asked the public not to draw conclusions and then asked whether the toast was still there. It was. A second slice dropped for comparison landed the usual way, which everyone agreed was reassuring. The original slice has since been eaten, a move one researcher called understandable but unhelpful.
Fridge Light Mystery
Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable. Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable. Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable. Nobody has ever seen the fridge light switch off, a new survey finds. One man who tried to watch by closing the door very slowly reports that he got cold and gave up. The light was unavailable.
Spoon Found at Last
A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment. A panel of people holding mugs has ruled that soup is a drink, at least on weekdays. The decision ends a debate that began at lunch and continued, with breaks, for eleven years. Bread has declined to comment.
Food
Food,
butter side up.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubMONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2026
ISSUE No. 41 · CINEMA
Sequel announced to the sequel
Nobody asked, everybody will go
Popcorn Gone by Trailers
A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling.
Man Explains the Ending
A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him. A man in row F has explained the ending to the people next to him, who had also just watched it. He covered the twist, the meaning of the hat and what he would have done. They thanked him.
The popcorn has already signed.
The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers. The studio confirmed the news in a statement that used the word universe four times. The new film will follow the events of the last one, which followed the events of the one before, which most people remember as mainly explosions. The cast will return, including two characters who were clearly dead. A trailer is expected shortly and will show the entire plot. Fans said they were tired, then asked when tickets go on sale. The director promised it would be the final chapter and was seen crossing his fingers.
Villain Had a Point
Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks. Audiences leaving the latest epic agree that the villain made some fair points about parking. The hero is said to be reflecting on it. A spin-off is in talks.
Credits Still Rolling
A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling. A large popcorn bought at ten past seven did not survive the trailers, witnesses say. The owner spent the film itself looking into the empty bucket with what one usher called real feeling.
Film
Film,
no spoilers, mostly.
today’s news, lightly chewed
glubISSUE No. 1 · YOUEVERY MORNING, 7 AM
THE NEWS YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT
AND NOTHING THAT BORES YOU
Most news is about things you never asked about. A minister you’ve never heard of said something. A market went down, or up, and apparently both are bad.
gloubo sees it differently. You tell it what you love, however tiny or strange, and every morning it prints a paper about exactly that. Bread. Sunday-league football. Films with submarines. Moss, if that’s your thing.
Every paper is written overnight and folded at seven. It has a front page, a headline doing its best and a drawing nobody asked for. You come out a little better informed and in a much better mood.
No feed, nothing to refresh. When you’ve finished the paper, you’ve finished the paper. We think it’s its best feature.
Questions
The questions,
and the answers.
Is gloubo free?
gloubo is free to download and read. A paid subscription will also be offered: its price and what it includes will be announced at launch.
Which phones does it run on?
gloubo is a mobile app for iPhone and Android. Your paper arrives as a notification at the time you chose and you read it in the app, one article at a time.
Who writes the papers?
Artificial intelligence models. Every night they look up the news on your topics, check each fact against a second source, then write the paper. Facts stay facts: only the way they are told changes.
Where does the news come from?
From public sources: news sites, feeds and web pages linked to each topic. Every fact comes with a link to its source, so you can read the original. If a sentence looks wrong, you can report it.
How many topics can I follow?
Up to four at a time, picked from the catalogue (football, food, film, tech…) or suggested by you. A custom topic is checked first: there has to be enough reliable news to write a real paper.
Can I choose the time?
Yes. Your paper arrives at 7 am by default, and you can pick another time. It follows your time zone: it’s ready when you get up, not when we do.
Can I change the tone and length?
You choose the tone: straight, with a wink or properly silly. And the length: 3 minutes for the front page, 10 minutes for the whole paper, or longer articles with more context.
Which languages?
English and French for now. Both languages have the same topics, tones and reading lengths.